Thanks,
Julia. Those are points that I was already worrying about. I plan to
cover the opposition (so to speak) in a later blog. As for the length --
I did wonder about where exactly to cut off to make up the first blog! I
think it will help when I have it all written up and I can read and
evaluate it as one thing....
Comment on "Does violent media cause violent behaviour?"
Your
topic's pretty interesting, and so far what you've written about video
games and players is pretty appalling. I don't play video games -- the
last I played was Space Invaders in its day -- but it's hard to escape
their presence in popular culture. People will always wonder about a
connection between violence in video games and in real life, but more so
with the increase in the life-like quality of the graphics and the
technological trends towards positioning the player in the game --
first-person perspective, virtual reality, etc. -- as much as possible.
You jump a little bit, though, when you say "Because of this, it is
fairly obvious why people are being killed. For example, chronic video
game playing brought on the Connecticut Newtown shooting." By this, I
assume you refer to many playing for eight hours a week, but this is not
quite clear; from your wording, you could be referring instead to the
percentage of American youth instead. You used more cautious wording in
the sentence: "Adam Lanza, the shooter, ...." People would probably
challenge statements made with such conviction, especially without
corroborating evidence.
A
good introduction! No meat yet on the argument, but I look forward to
your next post as someone who loves printed books and has yet to buy an
e-reader (if at all).
Jenette
-- to address your and Julia's points, I've re-phrased my question now.
I guess it's hardly arguable at this point whether d/Deaf need better
access to emergency information -- they DO -- but WHO provides or funds
it would be a better question to pose. I think calling Air New Zealand
would be opening a kettle of fish that I would't have the time to deal
with for this brief, though it would be an avenue to pursue. I'd
probably contact all the carriers that fly in and out of NZ, in that
case.
I agree the wording could use clarification somehow, but I
didn't use quotation marks for that because I wanted to keep it
consistent -- the whole conversation was signed. I might italicise the
dialogue instead...
I'm
assuming that you will be enlarging on your argument and extending your
introduction. I'd like to know why you think print is staying: why does
turning the pages of a book not compare to reading on an e-reader? What
is it about the physical act that is so special to you?
Comment on ["Are beauty pageants causing more harm than good?"]
This
is quite an emotional introduction. Emotion in itself is not wrong --
we are, after all, supposed to write on topics about which we feel
passionate. You need to provide arguments now to support your view,
e.g., child beauty pageants being a few steps away from child
pornography -- yes, possibly extreme, but explain why you think/feel
this. "...a young, impressionable child being dolled up for the pleasure
of an older audience" could apply to Anne Geddes's photos of babies
dressed up as flowers and fruits, etc. or parents dressing up their
toddlers in formal wear to attend a wedding. It might be helpful to
specify why child beauty pageants take those extra steps closer to child
porn -- what about them takes them closer?
Comment on "All Deaf children should learn sign language"
This
introduction almost reads like a summary of the blog. You could almost
just flesh out each section and you've finished the brief.
Your
first sentence comes across like a claim; is this your own view, in
which case you need to substantiate it. If it's a conclusion to a report
or an article, it'd probably help if you explained this or included a
link to the relevant research. Starting with Grosjean's quote -- it
strikes me as the main/significant support for your stand that all deaf
children should learn sign language -- and then writing a summary of the
arguments that support it to follow could be a possible approach to
introducing your topic. (I'm assuming you'll format the quote properly
later with the hyperlink embedded into the text.)
Including the
Hearing House this early on feels a little bit like a red herring or, at
least, a bit of a sideways step; I can imagine you felt the same
disbelief (horrified incredulity) that I did when you read their
website. You could include it in a (later) section on opposing views? As
it is, I got the impression -- though I may be wrong -- that they are a
relatively minor presence.
Appreciate
that it's still in the tweaking stage, but perhaps replacing the
signing image with a photograph of a cochlear implant at that point...?
You might also want to clarify cochlear implants not being a "solution"
to deafness -- who thinks that, doctors, parents, educators -- and "even
a successful implant..." -- define successful, unsuccessful, etc. --
though you could provide the clarification later in the blog. It's a
strong introduction to a pretty emotive topic.
Have you had a look at Rachel Benedict's video on the ASDC website? She discusses that point of medical contact pretty well.
Comment on "Cochlear implants and Sign Language: Oralism and cochlear implants"
In
the interests of keeping within the recommended word count, yes, you
could edit the history content, but it's probably good to retain the
most pertinent parts -- oralism, its duration perhaps, its enduring
"legacies" -- as they are relevant to your argument.
I'm afraid I
took "Oralism and cochlear implants" to mean there is a link between
the two. If there is, you may need to tease out the relationship a bit
more in this section...? I assume it would have been added on to the
last paragraph where you start "The introduction of cochlear implants
(CIs) added a new dimension...." Take care that you use your apostrophes
consistently (CIs vs CI's) and maybe give a short description
explaining what a cochlear implant is.
Where you say "worse
educational outcomes" it might be better to say "poor...", otherwise
there is an expectation of the comparison to follow -- worse than what?
Or supply the comparison, I guess.
A minor point: where you state
"...a surprising number who support...", do you think you need to
indicate a number of what -- educational professionals, parents, people?
Your
lively writing voice and the style in which you've presented your stats
suit the topic and the audience (I imagine) for this topic -- well
done! (And good on you for sticking Johnny Depp on here.) This is a
fantastic introduction to music piracy in that it covers relevant points
and makes me look forward to the next installment. You've already
listed a few of the fallacious arguments pirates use, and I shall wait
to see how you demolish them. To smithereens!
Comments on "Success for all: every school, every child"
Well-organised
and informative reading of a distressing topic. I am a little bit
unclear, however, on what your stand is...? Have I missed it? Please
excuse my typical obliviousness if I have. I understand that you
disagree with the status quo in NZ d/Deaf education.
A minor
point: avoid using quotation marks for terms, e.g., "oralism" and
confine their use of to actual quotes. For the purposes of a blog, I
think inserting a hyperlink and the resultant different font colour
should suffice to indicate particular meanings.
As
there is some -- a little -- leeway on the word count, some information
about opposing positions (e.g., the still persistent views that letting
d/Deaf children use Sign Language will hinder their integration with
the hearing majority or interfere with their learning English -- cf. the
readings extracted from Dugdale's book) will probably help reinforce
your presentation of your position. As it is, I'm still not quite sure
of your stand: are you after mainstreaming with proper support? training
more teachers in NZSL? training more teacher aides? opening more
regional centres (like Kelston and Van Asch)?
Nicola
-- there are overseas examples, but I didn't know whether to include
them given the word count limit and the possibility that I might stray
too far...
Comment on "Cochlear implants and Sign Language: The bilingualism approach"
I'm
glad you included Baby Sign. It's frustrating that it hardly gets a
mention (if at all) in many articles about the benefits of bilingualism,
never mind d/Deaf bilingualism. I'm not a fan or a detractor of the
trend -- I tend to instinctively avoid anything that's "in" -- but we
shouldn't ignore something that catches on like that. It must have some
effect to become so popular and the implications for communication
theory, linguistics, brain development, etc. must be of interest.
From
your statement "...children exposed to signing..." do I take it that
some Deaf parents have allowed their Deaf children to have cochlear
implants though?
Comment on "All Deaf children should learn sign language: Growing up deaf in..."
More
information on what it's like to have a cochlear implant (or even two)
might help explain why "A child who is born deaf can not be made hearing
by having a cochlear implant" and strengthen your arguments for
bilingualism. Even those who are involved -- or becoming involved --
with the Deaf community, Sign Language, Deaf culture, etc. would
probably have little or no idea of the experience. People do believe
cochlear implants fix or cure deafness because they think CI's actually
bestow normal hearing. But I don't think you actually get that, do you?
What is it that you actually get?
Comment on "Does violent media cause violent behaviour?"
Again,
you might want to consider re-wording "Repetition of killing... must
trigger something in people's minds...", "...the person would be
encouraged...", and "In doing so, they hold the aggression...". Unless
you can support these with definitive proof, you have to present them as
speculations or possibilities.
As a parent myself, I agree wholeheartedly with your stand!
You
may need to add a sentence to finish your second paragraph, though: you
start by talking about parents' need to know how easy it is for their
children to get hold of stuff, then end with parents not sheltering
children and allowing them to experience things gradually. You need
something to bridge the two ideas together.
I'm
glad you've included that quote from Agresta. It's not just the
physical pleasures associated with reading paper books but also the
social aspects with having them -- sharing books with friends, even the
frustration of not getting them back (okay, maybe not THAT) or
forgetting to whom you lent one -- which help explain why people love
paper books. I'm assuming that you will still be editing your blogs this
week -- you might just want to review the quote as it appears to have
some minor errors. Otherwise, it's pretty good.
Comment on "Child beauty pageants, whats the deal?"
I'm
a little bit confused: is your last paragraph your own thoughts or
continuing on from Barzey's statements in the previous paragraph or
both?
As for confidence and losing, I think you need to clarify:
what about beauty pageants for children would make them more harmful to
children's self esteem than losing, say, in a spelling bee or a game of
marbles or baseball? Some people would argue that competition is a part
of normal, everyday life and that learning to cope with it is part of
growing up.
Comment on "Child beauty pageants: What are we willing...?"
Valiant
Elsie, taking one for the team! (I have heard of someone who watched a
whole season of Honey Boo Boo in one sitting -- it was that or die of
boredom, though, so I guess HBB was a reasonable alternative. By a slim
margin.)
Your sincerity and honest emotions on the topic come
through. But as Nick pointed out, a lot of people would disagree with
your opinion. Did you find any studies on children who compete in beauty
pageants -- their emotional well-being, how they compared to children
of a similar age, the effects of participating in pageants on the
children, etc.? Providing information from such and links will help
support your arguments in the blog.
Comment on "Success for all... Reality for Deaf students?"
Jenette,
you may then want to review your use of deaf, Deaf, and d/Deaf in your
blog. There are places where an alternative to the term you used could
apply.... Apart from that, as you know, I'm all for your stand.
On
the whole, the blog's well presented and clear. It touches on valid
points and the issue, sadly, remains contentious. In the meantime, it's
d/Deaf children and their families that suffer.
Comment on my post "The lack of emergency information"
Please
note that some of my links don't show as such; they only show when the
cursor is held over them. Bearing that in mind, the non-visible
hyperlinks in this post are embedded in:
"report" in item 4 of the list of what the government should do;
"Radio Data System (RDS)" in item 5 of the same list;
"other special", "Herald", and "TVNZ" in item 6 of the same list;
"officially recognised", "slowly", and "at all" in the first sentence, third paragraph.
"dropped Teletext" in the first sentence, last paragraph;
"TVNZ" and "Sky" in the second sentence, last paragragraph;
Remember
Karen's caution, however, about making strong statements: You may want
to re-word your statement "If musicians like the Dixie Chicks...."
Alternatively, you could insert a link detailing the significant effect
of music piracy on musicians' earnings. Ditto the following statement --
what basis do you have for it? If you have research or statistics
supporting that, link them. You addressed the latter stand about music
piracy not affecting legal purchases etc. with this paragraph, but you
haven't posed a counter-argument about the prior one of those who check
out the music for free.
I am still loving your voice and the way you use words.
Comment on "Music Pirates: Are they a threat...? Part 2."
Gah,
sorry, Davy -- here are all the supporting info that I mentioned in my
comment on your previous post. Sorry. I shall desist from commenting
until I read the rest of your posts.
As
per Julia and Jenette's comments above, Nicola. Specific (but brief as
you can) is probably key, e.g., as Jenette pointed out "...often hard
work for...": instead of that phrase, you could write "means hours of
training everyday for the child to learn to... and the parents to..."
etc. (You could possibly shorten that further -- sorry, I don't know the
details.) Or you could re-phrase "...still may not have total access to
the information..." as "... still may not hear all the information..."
or "...may still miss parts of what teacher or his classmates...". Well
done for touching on the social and familial aspects of missing out on
early language acquisition. And as Julia said, if you need a hand with
the grammar, etc. you know how to get hold of us.
And LEGO. I can't take much more of this, ha ha ha!
Just
go over the grammar again -- little glitches here and there -- and
review whether some of your statements need to be couched in more
tentative language (as per lecturer advice) and supported by links. Your
main argument here appears to be illegal downloading hurting earnings
and therefore re-investment in future music, but I rather liked an
artist on one of your links saying that downloading without paying for
it is basically stealing. That's what it boils down to, doesn't it?
I
had never heard of the Pay-As-You-Want model. It could lead to
interesting results. Would it be like the stock market index, do you
think?
Comment on "Does violent media cause violent behaviour?"
Comment on "Print is here to stay"
Reply to comment on my blog
I agree the wording could use clarification somehow, but I didn't use quotation marks for that because I wanted to keep it consistent -- the whole conversation was signed. I might italicise the dialogue instead...
Comment on "Print is here to stay"
Comment on ["Are beauty pageants causing more harm than good?"]
Comment on "All Deaf children should learn sign language"
Your first sentence comes across like a claim; is this your own view, in which case you need to substantiate it. If it's a conclusion to a report or an article, it'd probably help if you explained this or included a link to the relevant research. Starting with Grosjean's quote -- it strikes me as the main/significant support for your stand that all deaf children should learn sign language -- and then writing a summary of the arguments that support it to follow could be a possible approach to introducing your topic. (I'm assuming you'll format the quote properly later with the hyperlink embedded into the text.)
Including the Hearing House this early on feels a little bit like a red herring or, at least, a bit of a sideways step; I can imagine you felt the same disbelief (horrified incredulity) that I did when you read their website. You could include it in a (later) section on opposing views? As it is, I got the impression -- though I may be wrong -- that they are a relatively minor presence.
Comment on "Cochlear implants and Sign Language"
Have you had a look at Rachel Benedict's video on the ASDC website? She discusses that point of medical contact pretty well.
Comment on "Cochlear implants and Sign Language: Oralism and cochlear implants"
I'm afraid I took "Oralism and cochlear implants" to mean there is a link between the two. If there is, you may need to tease out the relationship a bit more in this section...? I assume it would have been added on to the last paragraph where you start "The introduction of cochlear implants (CIs) added a new dimension...." Take care that you use your apostrophes consistently (CIs vs CI's) and maybe give a short description explaining what a cochlear implant is.
Where you say "worse educational outcomes" it might be better to say "poor...", otherwise there is an expectation of the comparison to follow -- worse than what? Or supply the comparison, I guess.
A minor point: where you state "...a surprising number who support...", do you think you need to indicate a number of what -- educational professionals, parents, people?
Comments on "Success for all: every school, every child"
A minor point: avoid using quotation marks for terms, e.g., "oralism" and confine their use of to actual quotes. For the purposes of a blog, I think inserting a hyperlink and the resultant different font colour should suffice to indicate particular meanings.
Response to comment on my last post
Comment on "Cochlear implants and Sign Language: The bilingualism approach"
From your statement "...children exposed to signing..." do I take it that some Deaf parents have allowed their Deaf children to have cochlear implants though?
Comment on "All Deaf children should learn sign language: Growing up deaf in..."
Comment on "Does violent media cause violent behaviour?"
You may need to add a sentence to finish your second paragraph, though: you start by talking about parents' need to know how easy it is for their children to get hold of stuff, then end with parents not sheltering children and allowing them to experience things gradually. You need something to bridge the two ideas together.
Comment on "Print is here to stay: The future..."
Comment on "Child beauty pageants, whats the deal?"
As for confidence and losing, I think you need to clarify: what about beauty pageants for children would make them more harmful to children's self esteem than losing, say, in a spelling bee or a game of marbles or baseball? Some people would argue that competition is a part of normal, everyday life and that learning to cope with it is part of growing up.
Comment on "Child beauty pageants: What are we willing...?"
Your sincerity and honest emotions on the topic come through. But as Nick pointed out, a lot of people would disagree with your opinion. Did you find any studies on children who compete in beauty pageants -- their emotional well-being, how they compared to children of a similar age, the effects of participating in pageants on the children, etc.? Providing information from such and links will help support your arguments in the blog.
Comment on "Success for all... Reality for Deaf students?"
On the whole, the blog's well presented and clear. It touches on valid points and the issue, sadly, remains contentious. In the meantime, it's d/Deaf children and their families that suffer.
Comment on my post "The lack of emergency information"
"report" in item 4 of the list of what the government should do;
"Radio Data System (RDS)" in item 5 of the same list;
"other special", "Herald", and "TVNZ" in item 6 of the same list;
"officially recognised", "slowly", and "at all" in the first sentence, third paragraph.
"dropped Teletext" in the first sentence, last paragraph;
"TVNZ" and "Sky" in the second sentence, last paragragraph;
Comment on "Music Pirates: Are they a threat...?"
Remember Karen's caution, however, about making strong statements: You may want to re-word your statement "If musicians like the Dixie Chicks...." Alternatively, you could insert a link detailing the significant effect of music piracy on musicians' earnings. Ditto the following statement -- what basis do you have for it? If you have research or statistics supporting that, link them. You addressed the latter stand about music piracy not affecting legal purchases etc. with this paragraph, but you haven't posed a counter-argument about the prior one of those who check out the music for free.
I am still loving your voice and the way you use words.
Comment on "Music Pirates: Are they a threat...? Part 2."
Reply to comment on my blog
Comment on "All deaf children should learn sign language: Growing up deaf..."
Comment on "Music Pirates: Are they a threat...?"
Just go over the grammar again -- little glitches here and there -- and review whether some of your statements need to be couched in more tentative language (as per lecturer advice) and supported by links. Your main argument here appears to be illegal downloading hurting earnings and therefore re-investment in future music, but I rather liked an artist on one of your links saying that downloading without paying for it is basically stealing. That's what it boils down to, doesn't it?
I had never heard of the Pay-As-You-Want model. It could lead to interesting results. Would it be like the stock market index, do you think?